A Good Whine Goes with Crosby Cheese

Oh, before I forget... what's up with Sid the Little Kid's antics after Jason Smith's love tap the other day?

I mean, watching Sidney throw a temper tantrum in the corner of Wachovia Center ice, was like seeing a 7-year old ball his eyes out because there's no lime green popsicles left in the box.

After embarrassing himself with the flagrant embellishment, Crosby was almost given something to cry about when he got up in Mike Richards' grill to debate the non-liberties.

The Little Kid has more talent than Michael Jackson before the Liz Taylor makeover, but if he wants to be taken seriously on all fronts, he needs to stop the unnecessary whining.

Methinks Sid should subscribe to Kimberly L. Keith's "How to Stop Whining in 4 Easy Steps" and start molding his own Hall of Fame career after recent Hall inductees Mark Messier and Ron Francis as opposed to Alexei Kovalev.

In the meantime, have fun [WATCHING THE INFAMOUS SLASH VIDEO] and rate Sidney's dramatic improv...

-- TGOJ

NHL Draft Spotlight - 1986

The 1986 NHL Entry Draft was, in many ways, a typical entry draft...

One future Hall of Famer, Brian Leetch was selected at #9 by the New York Rangers.

Some mild controversy arose when the Detroit Red Wings selected Joe Murphy over native son Jimmy Carson. This was rectified when Edmonton dealt Carson to Detroit for Murphy in a multi-player trade when retooling for their fifth Cup run several years later.

Solid, if unspectacular, NHL regulars in the first round highlighted by Vincent Damphousse and included Zarley Zalapski, Craig Janney, Tom Fitzgerald, Pat Elynuik, Jocelyn Lemieux, and Kerry Huffman.

Steady D-men Teppo Numminen at 29 in the 2nd round and Jyrki Lumme at 57 in the 3rd round.

Vancouver thinking ahead of the time and out of the box by selecting Vladimir Krutov in the 12th and final round.

Lost amongst all of this DRAFT HISTORY was a player that would never play a minute in the NHL but would play 15 years across Europe with teams like the HUSKIES and MOSQUITOES, making stops in his native Finland, as well as, Germany, Italy and The Czech Republic.

The IMMORTAL and LEGENDARY: JUKKA-PEKKA SEPPO

Jukka caught the eyes of the Philadelphia Flyers Brass with his performance at the Under-18 European Junior Championships in 1986 where he posted 3 goals and 8 points in 5 games. He was selected 23rd overall by the Flyers with the 2nd pick of the 2nd round right after Adam Graves was drafted. He won an U20 WJC Gold medal in 86/87 with 3 goals and 12 points in 7 games and won a Bronze in 87/88. He appeared in 39 games with Tappera Tampere in Finland in 1986-87 notching 11 goals and 27 points.

For whatever reasons, he never landed in North America, instead spending 15 seasons in Europe. He played 571 career games, recording 196 goals and 478 points. If he was so highly rated, one has to wonder the impact he could have had in the league here. Maybe he could have developed into a Selanne-lite, the "Finnish Flash" himself was drafted 10th overall only 2 years later. Who knows? But is fun to look back at the woulda couldas in any past draft.

Till next time...

Da H8R

Fuhr Facts - #1

Grant Fuhr had an assist on Wayne Gretzky's 50th goal of 1981-82 season on Dec. 30, 1981, vs. Philadelphia, as Gretzky reached 50 goals in a record 39 games.

Introducing the Great Vachons

Other than the Stastnys, or Wilson Phillips after the weight loss, I cannot, for the life of me, think of a better trio than the Great Vachons.

Brothers Paul and Maurice (aka Mad Dog) were pro wrestling standouts, and the gem of the trio, the almighty Rogie Vachon, was a hockey legend.

Suffice to say I don't have any kind of direct evidence proving the bone-crushing Vachon duo and the diminutive netminder were related, but they were all from Canada and look like shady offspring, so...

Truth be told, Rogie was a superb goalie for the Canadiens, Red Wings, Kings and Bruins, and sported a porn stache that rivals Brian Fantana in Anchorman. In fact, it was in Hollywood were Vachon gained legendary status, sporting the Kings purple and gold crown.

After hanging up the pads, Rogie worked as the Kings GM for more than a decade, and was even an interim coach for the club on three separate occasions. As for Mad Dog, last I heard he was a restaurant critic for a television station in Quebec City.

Ahhh, the simple joys of being a hockey fan are appreciated over a 20 oz. WaWa coffee and Lifesavers Fruit Tarts... as that's when you have the chance to reflect on ex-greats named Rogie.

--TGOJ

Mike Liut Was My Mailman

... And my mailman looked like Rocky Dennis. It's all about the mask.

Back in 1930, my dawg Howie Morenz used goalie Clint Benedict's bare face as a shooter target. Benedict suffered major facial injuries, including a smashed nose and cheekbone, and was forced to semi-protect a busted face that resembled Sly Stallone in Rocky II.

Enter the mask. A crappy, leather-type, tailor made for WWF's Mankind, Mick Foley, not a puck stopper in the National Hockey League. And though Benedict donned the shabby face guard for mere self-preservation, the experiment was short-lived. The mask was dissed after the next game; a 2-1 loss to the Chicago Blackhawks.

Many years later, in 1959, the heralded Jacques Plante was officially credited with pioneering the mask, after taking some vulcanized rubber to the face, courtesy of the Rangers' Andy Bathgate. And as legend turns to folklore, and folklore turns to gospel, Plante gets to ride off into the sunset forever known as the Don Corleone of hockey masks.

Phooey, I say. The hockey mask was put on the map in 1979, and my mailman Michael Dennis Liut better start getting some props. Not props for the BEST hockey mask of all-time; those honors go to my favorite goalie ever, Gerry Cheevers and his famed stitches.

The mailman deserves props because his mask is a freak of sports nature.

In a recent poll, a panel of 1,238,896 drunken sports fans were asked to rate the top-3 disturbing things in sports history. The results were:

1. Mike Liut's mask
2. Mike Tyson
3. The size of Barry Bond's head

Not only is Liut's mask synonymous with names like Tyson and Bonds; the mailman has also inspired film culture. His mask has been used to mold the face of Rocky Dennis and the Snowtrooper.

Jacques Plante may be in the Hall of Fame and rank higher than Vladislav Tretiak on some all-time great goalie lists, but his shiznit didn't shape a high-selling Kenner action figure.

The mailman delivered between the pipes as well. He was drafted by the St. Louis Blues in the 5th round (56th overall) in the 1976 NHL Amateur Draft, and after a brief stint with the WHA's Cincinnati Stingers, Liut was reclaimed by the Blue Notes.

Liut played a solid 13 seasons in the NHL, with stops in St. Louis, Hartford and Washington. He was a lanky, intimidating netminder, and is the cousin of the ex-NHLer Ron Francis. In 1980-81 he was a 1st team all-star and finished runner-up to Wayne Gretzky for the Hart trophy.

Some suggest it all went downhill for the mailman when the Whale sent his ass packing to Washington in exchange for plugger Yvon Corriveau in 1990. Personally, I think his illustrious career took a turn for the worse when he discarded THE MASK in favor of a more traditional, wire/facemask-combo.

Well Mask, here's to you... pioneer, legend and mailman. Prost! Somewhere Eric Stoltz is tipping his glass...

-- TGOJ

Sins of the Father?

On February 2 of this year, I was blessed by becoming a daddy for the first time.

When my little boy was born, I was faced with a most interesting dilemma. No, name was already picked out. Yes, he already had a place to live. Yes, we were already married.

What truly plagued me, was this: what hockey team should my new baby root for?

Normally, not a big issue, you might think: let the little bugger root for whomever he chooses. Ahhhh, herein lies the rub.

I have been, and unfortunately for me likely always will be, a Philadelphia Flyers fan.

Ok, you say, get on with it, why doesn't he root for the Flyers? Well, I am 36 years years old and have reflections of a wonderful childhood. One of my earliest memories of the Flyers is swearing I heard my own father's distinctive whistling on the radio as the Flyers won their first Cup in '74, although everyone says I'm nuts that there is no way I could remember that from when I was 4 - I swear I heard it.

I also remember the parades in '74 and '75, followed by the Phillies parade in '80 and the Sixers parade in '83.

For the 1st 12 years of my life I was proud to be a Philly fan.

Then, the suffering began.

Finally, in 2004, I got married and moved to Florida, just south of Tampa. Horrible baseball team, but the Lightning and Bucs each won championships within the decade, whereas my Philly teams languished from being annual bridesmaids, to being invited to the wedding, to being left off the guest list entirely, to being wedding crashers, to just deciding to not even show up, drunken bastards.

So, do I deprive my child of the happy memories that I had growing up by having a WINNING team to root for? The innocence of youth is so wonderful and the new baby has truly changed my life. Being an accomplished attorney, husband, son, businessman, all pales in comparison to just being a good dad.

When I watched the Red Sox win the World Series for the first time in a zillion years, I saw fans literally crying their eyes out and I imagined sons looking at their fathers in tears, the fathers in turn looking at their fathers in tears, and maybe even the grandfather looking at the great-grandfather in tears as well. I couldn't help but think, did the decades long suffering actually become so ingrained in these people's actual personas that they wouldn't actually be who they were without the suffering and losing, year after year, after bloody stinking year? Then I said to myself, "Is that suffering now a part of who I am?"

Then another part of me, said "Get back to work and stop putting so much weight on a damned sports team!"

So, I did get back to work and I came to a decision:

The son should not be cursed for the sins of the father.

No, it isn't his fault that I bleed orange and black and that my team manages to disappoint me time and time again. He should have the opportunity to have his childhood magical, with sweet memories and even sweeter victory parades. So, little Tre man, choose your teams wisely and enjoy the youth that ends up being all too short. Daddy loves you no matter who you choose to root for.

Do what you want with the personalized Flyers jersey Daddy bought you for Christmas, tuck it away with your little Philadelphia Flyers pillow and your little Flyers hockey stick that the team sent you for your birth, pet your dogs when they wear their little Flyer pet jerseys that Daddy spent $29.99 each for on shop.nhl.com, hug Daddy in his own Flyers team jersey from each of the four decades that he owns, sit with me as we watch the Flyers away feed that we paid $140.00 for on the Center Ice Package, and look into my eyes and tell me who your favorite team is.

If your blood just so happens to bleed orange and black too, well, what else could we expect? My blood runs through you literally and when the suffering finally ends, we'll fly up for the parade together with Grandpop too. It is after all, who we are.

(Please, oh please God, just don't let him root for the Devils or the Rangers...)


(c) 2007 - "Oh snap! You've just been sued by The Legal Beagle!"

Oh Snap! Wolski Again

The Polish Power, Wojtek Wolski scored a beauty tonight against the Oilers' Dwayne Rolson in the tomato shootout. This is the second time this season I've seen Wolski work his magic in a shootout.

I'm hoping the clip will make it to YouTube by morning... if so, hook a brother up!

In the meantime, [ENJOY THIS VIDEO]

--TGOJ

Ralph Mellanby Pimp Slaps Bettman

Ralph Mellanby is an established, award-winning, former executive producer of Hockey Night In Canada.

The gentleman may be 73 years of age and look like Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein, but if I ever meet him, I'll treat him to a surf-&-turf supper and Guinness on tap.

And I promise, it has nothing to do with the fact that his son, and former NHLer, Scott Mellanby, was one of my favorite players as a Flyers fan growing up.

Yesterday, the elder Mellanby, who is promoting his new book Walking With Legends: The Real Stories of Hockey Night In Canada had no problem giving NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman a fresh one across the chops.

In an article in The Windsor Star, my new man-crush had the following to say about Gary Butthead and the fraudulent NHL board of governors...

"Bettman to me is the real problem for hockey."

"He's done so much damage to hockey it may never recover. We don't have time to go through the litany of errors."

"Hockey has never been in worse straits."

"I'm an elder statesman now and I feel at times like a lone voice in the wilderness, but I'm not completely alone. The great minds of the game I talk to agree on these things, but no one is listening at the top."

"We need change at the top I don't see a lot of courage around the board of governors."

"He's taken us too far down this path (into non-hockey markets). I always asked Gary why we were in these places and he'd say for network television. But hockey is a regional game (in the U.S.). That's where its strength is in the U.S."

Well Raphael, like Al Pacino said to Sean Penn in Carlito's Way: "If you was a broad, I'd marry you!" At 73, you may consider yourself an elder statesman, but rest assured hockey fans of all ages across North America who have ever cared about this great game, AGREE WITH YOU and feel your pain.

And I am glad Mellanby clumped the NHL board of governors into the Knucklehead category as well, because when the Coca Cola strips the paint off the boat, it's the greedy owners who are calling the shots.

While we all want to drop Bettman off in downtown Fallujah with a "bin Laden smells worse than the NY Rangers" sign around his neck, our boy Gary is simply a puppet, and a despised one at that.

I could go on and on rehashing the ways Bettman & co. have hurt the great game of hockey but I already took one Nexium today.

However, I look forward to reading Ralph's interpretation in Walking With Legends. Besides, it's always good to see someone else in the hockey community blast Commissioner Clueless like Chris Chelios has in the past.

Tonight couldn't have been better... I got to watch the Flyers spank the Pens like Ike did Tina, and blog about Ralph Mellanby's public right hook to Gary Bettman's chin, reminiscent of his son's KO of Quebec's Jeff Jackson when hockey was at its best...

[WATCH MELLANBY PUT JACKSON TO SLEEP]

-- TGOJ

Swiss Miss or Swiss Army Knife?

Time to shine the light on a guy that quite possibly could be the most disrespected player in the entire NHL: MARTIN GERBER.

Look at his FOUR NHL Seasons:

1. Giggy was the man during his first two seasons in ANA. He was a capable back up as they made their cup run.

2. He moved to Carolina, started 57 games, won 38, and led them to the playoffs where he lost his starting gig to Cam Ward as the Canes Won the Cup.

3. He moved to Ott where he stumbled a bit out of the gate last season and lost his job to Emery, though he did win 10 of his last 11 starts. If Ottawa was so sold on Emery going into last season, WHY DID THEY EVEN SIGN GERBER?

Martin Gerber has now WON 10 of his 11 starts this season. He has been to the Finals in three of the past four seasons. Everyone complains about his salary but the 3.7 mil is only bad for a goalie that doesn't play. How can you think he is not a better bang for the buck than Khabby at $6.75 mil, Kolzig at $5.45 mil, or Roloson at $3.5 mil (and 38 years old). Heck, even Colorado has a $6 mil backup goalie.

Look at his numbers too...

NEVER has had a GAA above 2.78 in his Four-plus seasons.

NEVER has had a Sv. Pct. below .906.

After tonight's win he has now won 63 of his last 94 starts, and that includes his 5-9 start last year. Big Stage? What about the 2006 Winter Olympics when Gerber was in net against Canada and made 49 saves in a 2-0 victory?

All this from a guy that pretty much did not have a job if Emery doesn't need offseason surgery. His salary makes him nearly un-tradable, and Ottawa better thank their lucky stars they have such a solid netminder.

Da H8R

Parros The Porn Star

It’s hard to miss the 6’5” George Parros when he’s out on the ice for the Anaheim Ducks with his long hair blowing in the wind and manly mustache that puts Burt Reynolds’ to shame.

Last year when the Ducks won the cup and each player was getting the chance to hoist and kiss the cup, Parros took the liberty of rubbing his mustache [SEE PIC] all over the holy grail of hockey. He has 18 fights in his last two seasons and this year he shows no signs of slowing down with 4 already.

The most notable one this season was against the boogeyman himself, Derek Boogaard. He was able to beat the Minnosoata heavyweight and even cut him open. Parros' past bouts were against some of the best veteran goons in the league including Donald Brashear and Chris Simon.

With the Ducks winning the cup last year and also having the most fights, Parros is helping to bring fighting back to this game. George, however, is not just all about the blood and fisticuffs, he also has a softer side.

Each year he grows his hair out and cuts it for Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for kids with cancer. Just imagine, there's some little kid out there rocking a George Parros wig.

This 80’s porn star has become such a fan favorite that the Ducks now sell replica Parros mustaches. The proceeds of which also go towards charity. This season as opposing teams come into Anaheim to face the defending champs, they need remember one thing...

FEAR THE STACHE!

Steve Downie Makes Impact In AHL Return

The man; the myth; the legend, Steve Downie may be out of the NHL until the new year, but he returned to the ice tonight as a member of the Philadelphia Phantoms. Steve "Don't Call Me Dastardly" Downie wasted no time making an impact for the Flyers AHL affiliate in his grand return.

Before the game was 5 minutes old, Downie already registered 2/3rd's of a Gordie Howe hat trick, netting an assist and a fight. Downie finished the night with 2 points and a bare-knuckle brawl during a 3-0 Philly win over the Worcester Sharks.

FREE DOWNIE!

-- TGOJ

Blizzard of OZ

Time to give props to another under appreciated and often overlooked NHL star. Goalies that win Stanley Cups are usually given a free ride from criticism. Just look at Khabby and Cam Ward in the past several seasons.

In Detroit, Chris Osgood was the 54th overall draft pick and third goalie selected in 1991. Chris won 23 games his rookie year but Detroit still dealt for Mike Vernon following that season. Following the strike, he backed up Vernon as the Wings were swept in the finals by the Devils. The next year he won a career best 39 games and was the second goalie to ever shoot a puck into an opposing teams net. He backed up Vernon as the Wings won the cup the year after that. Vernon was dealt and Osgood led the wings to their second Cup in a row with a sweep of the Capitals. The Wings then acquired Hasek and Osgood was ushered out of town when claimed on waivers by the Islanders.

After his two-year stint in New York, he moved on to St. Louis for two seasons. Even after winning 31 games with a 2.24 GAA with St. Louis, his contract was not renewed by them. Chris came back to Detroit to back up Hasek for under a million dollars a year. He appeared in 32 games last year, winning 20, but did not appear in the playoffs and was a back up for the Dominator's apparent Swan Song.

Which brings us to this season...

Dominik Hasek is 40-whatever. The chances of him holding up again health wise were pretty slim. Jimmy Howard, the Wing's Prize Goaltending prospect, is Not Quite Ready to be the man yet. This all meant that Osgood had to be ready to shine. And shine he has.

With Dom shelved with a bum hip, Ozzie was kept the Wings at the top of the NHL standings. He is 7-0 with a 1.43 GAA out of gates this year and his road wins against Edmonton, Vancouver, and Calgary in the last FIVE DAYS marks the first time in 21 attempts that the Red Wings took all three games of a trip to western Canada.

• In 13+ seasons he has never had a GAA above 3.00






• Six times has won 30 or more games in a season






• 43 Career Shutouts






• 45 Career Playoff Wins in 87 Games Played






• 10 Career Playoff Shutouts with a LIFETIME Playoff GAA of 2.24






• Two Cup Wins

That says it all. Quiet, unassuming CHRIS OSGOOD continues to be THE MAN. He is right there with that non-descript Glenn Healy/Wendell Young style mask and just makes the saves. Detroit is going to need him to continue his stellar play if this is to be the end of the Dominator.

Da H8R

Hockey Night In Canada

It's Saturday and hockey is in the air tonight like Phil Collins. Habs vs. Leafs is the main event this evening. Thanks to NHL Center Ice, this Philadelphian can partake in a Canadian Saturday night tradition, Hockey Night in Canada... and it doesn't get better than the Maple Leafs battling the Habs in Montreal.

This game should no doubt be a dandy. The Canadiens put a beat down on my Flyers the other night so I am hoping they get thudded 6-2 on home ice. I want those salty Habs fans to exit the Bell Centre and flock St. Catherine street in large numbers for an extra-special Saturday night drinking binge.

I can see it now... disgruntled Habs fans sitting elbow-to-elbow in the pub, talking about the great Montreal teams of yester-year:

Habs fan #1: "Man, these Leafs are a bitch!"

Habs fan #2: "Mon ami, we will return to greatness!"

Habs fan #3: "Remember Rick Chartraw and Doug Jarvis?"

Habs fan #4: "Ya, those were the days, eh?!"

-- TGOJ

Speaking of Halloween

Damn JAGS... what's up with your grill, son? Apparently Jaromir is taking Halloween to extremes this year... [SEE PIC]

-- TGOJ

Leave Wallpaper Jones Alone, Son

All you dopes (yeah, you know who you are Scott Burnside from ESPN) better leave Randy "Wallpaper" Jones alone. To even think that Wallpaper intentionally tried to disfigure Patty Bergeron with a vicious hit from behind is foolish... or downright silly, in fact.

Just look at my boy Wallpaper posing with a fan... you mean to tell me this chummy cat is capable of taking extreme measures like ex-cons Downie and Boulerice? Not.

Wallpaper is simply a grown gentleman trying to live his life. Unfortunately, he's being preyed on by hockey beat hacks who want to rehash the legend of the Broad Street Bullies so they have something of interest to scribble. You want to attack Downie and Boulerice with your pen, go for it, but don't rip the Wallpaper.

-- TGOJ

Hat Trick-or-Treat Biznitches

With Halloween right around the corner, one can only fathom if cinema horror icon, Freddy Kruger, was inspired by my dawg, and hockey hall of famer, Cy Denneny.

One of the better left wingers back in the day (1920's), Denneny's shot was rumored to be as deadly as Bobby Englund's scissorhands. Fred-KrUg looks tight rockin' the candy stripes, and no doubt, would've been a main contributor on those legendary Ottawa Silver Seven teams...

-- TGOJ

Cory Stillman

Is there a more under-appreciated Skill Player in the league than Cory Stillman? Tampa and Carolina can definitely attest to his value on their respective clubs. As one of the few players in NHL history that has won a Cup in back-to-back years with different teams he still flies under the radar. Both teams relied on the unheralded Stillman during their cup runs. He averaged over a point-per-game in those back-to-back seasons and was invaluable in the playoffs. He had 7 points in 21 games in a complimentary role with the Lightning. He followed that up with 26 points with nine goals, of which 3 were game winners, in 25 games during the Hurricanes run.

His injury-shortened season last year was as much to blame for the Canes missing the playoffs as any other excuse. He missed the first three games of the 07-08 season as Carolina came out of the gate 1-1-1.

Since he returned to the lineup, the Canes have gone 5-0-2. His valuable leadership and timely scoring have helped to balance Carolina's solid forward lines. In his 7 appearances, Stillman has 10 points with half coming with the man advantage, including 3 of his 4 goals.

His 4 goals have him second on the team even having missed 3 games already and with talented playmakers, Justin Williams and Rod Brind'Amour setting them up, Eric Staal and Cory should notch career high goal totals.

Before last years injury shortened season, Stillman had topped 21 goals in 7 of the previous 8 seasons with a high of 27 two times. With a veteran defense corps, a deep solid forward unit, and Cam Ward's steady maturation, the Hurricanes seem to be definite factor in the Eastern Conference playoff race and could even make another run at their second Cup in three years.

Da H8R

The Melrose/Tortorella Hybrid

If Barry Melrose and John Tortorella had a baby...

Flyers Start The Season Swinging

The Philadelphia Flyers may have been the laughing stock of the NHL in 2006-07, but after an offseason of retooling, the Broad Street Bullies have come out swinging early on. In the preseason, the Flyers looked as impressive on the fight card as they did on the score sheet. The new and improved Fly Boys did damage, scorers and pugilists alike, putting pucks in the net and opponents on stretchers. A pair of lengthy, 20-plus game suspensions to yahoos Jesse Boulerice and Steve Downie may have stole the ink at first, but excellent goaltending from Marty Biron and a more balanced offensive attack early in the regular season are the reasons the Flyers make headlines with each passing game.

Biron, or "Gaston" as he is referred to these days, looks like the solid goalie the Flyers have coveted for years between the pipes. Not since the crazed Mr. Bean (Roman Cechmanek) have the Flyers had a spectacular netminder capable of stealing games. This season Biron reminds me of Cechmanek-depressive during his good year(s), minus the Riddalin and uni-brow of course.

On offense, youngsters Mike Richards and Jeff Carter look legit, and offseason prize Daniel Briere has gelled nicely with Simon Gagne on the top scoring line. In fact, there hasn't been such an impressive French-Canadian duo in Philly since the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers tangled with Barry Horowitz and Steve Lombardi at the Spectrum in February of 1988.

On the blue line, heart-and-soul leader Jason Smith has been a rock and the rest of the defense has played poised and controlled hockey. So far the Flyers are playing some damn good hockey and look like a force to be reckoned with this season.

-- TGOJ

Toothless Tenacity

There are a few fashion statements that are synonymous with hockey players: the grizzly lumberjack look of Bryan Marchment and Jason Smith; the grey playoff beards of Scott Niedermayer and Ray Bourque; and the long hair blowing in the wind of Guy Lafleur and Gil Perreault.

These looks have been copied by many players, but it seems that more players in the NHL should take a page out of the books of the toothless Paul Stastny and Dany Heatley.

With both players missing teeth and their early season success, you have to ask yourself if there is a connection. They are threatening to set a trend that has dentists and oral surgeons sulking like Alex Cherepanov on draft day.

The toothless look makes players look mean and nasty. Lifelong instigator Tie Domi intentionally knocked his own pearly whites out as a child on the handle bars of his huffy in order to look like his idol and famous toothless warrior, Bobby Clarke.

The missing chiclet look appears to give these players superhuman ability. The 21 year old Stastny as of 10/18/07 is tied for the lead in points with 13 including 5 goals in 6 games. Dany Heatley already has 7 goals and 11 points in 7 games. These two toothless young guns will be putting on show all season long.

Trash Truck Time

Da Blues, Blackhawks, Predators, Blue Jackets, Desert Dogs, Oilers, Habs, Stars, Bruins and Hurricanes are ALL GARBAGE.