Ralph Mellanby Pimp Slaps Bettman

Ralph Mellanby is an established, award-winning, former executive producer of Hockey Night In Canada.

The gentleman may be 73 years of age and look like Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein, but if I ever meet him, I'll treat him to a surf-&-turf supper and Guinness on tap.

And I promise, it has nothing to do with the fact that his son, and former NHLer, Scott Mellanby, was one of my favorite players as a Flyers fan growing up.

Yesterday, the elder Mellanby, who is promoting his new book Walking With Legends: The Real Stories of Hockey Night In Canada had no problem giving NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman a fresh one across the chops.

In an article in The Windsor Star, my new man-crush had the following to say about Gary Butthead and the fraudulent NHL board of governors...

"Bettman to me is the real problem for hockey."

"He's done so much damage to hockey it may never recover. We don't have time to go through the litany of errors."

"Hockey has never been in worse straits."

"I'm an elder statesman now and I feel at times like a lone voice in the wilderness, but I'm not completely alone. The great minds of the game I talk to agree on these things, but no one is listening at the top."

"We need change at the top I don't see a lot of courage around the board of governors."

"He's taken us too far down this path (into non-hockey markets). I always asked Gary why we were in these places and he'd say for network television. But hockey is a regional game (in the U.S.). That's where its strength is in the U.S."

Well Raphael, like Al Pacino said to Sean Penn in Carlito's Way: "If you was a broad, I'd marry you!" At 73, you may consider yourself an elder statesman, but rest assured hockey fans of all ages across North America who have ever cared about this great game, AGREE WITH YOU and feel your pain.

And I am glad Mellanby clumped the NHL board of governors into the Knucklehead category as well, because when the Coca Cola strips the paint off the boat, it's the greedy owners who are calling the shots.

While we all want to drop Bettman off in downtown Fallujah with a "bin Laden smells worse than the NY Rangers" sign around his neck, our boy Gary is simply a puppet, and a despised one at that.

I could go on and on rehashing the ways Bettman & co. have hurt the great game of hockey but I already took one Nexium today.

However, I look forward to reading Ralph's interpretation in Walking With Legends. Besides, it's always good to see someone else in the hockey community blast Commissioner Clueless like Chris Chelios has in the past.

Tonight couldn't have been better... I got to watch the Flyers spank the Pens like Ike did Tina, and blog about Ralph Mellanby's public right hook to Gary Bettman's chin, reminiscent of his son's KO of Quebec's Jeff Jackson when hockey was at its best...

[WATCH MELLANBY PUT JACKSON TO SLEEP]

-- TGOJ